A Portrait of (the Artist as) a Young Man(‘s grief)

My mother was slowly killed, I think, … by years of trouble, and by my cynical frankness of conduct. When I looked on her face as she lay in her coffin — a face grey and wasted with cancer — I understood that I was looking on the face of a victim and I cursed the system which had made her a victim.

-James Joyce, 1904 aged 22, Letters II

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浮生千山路 The thousand mountain roads of this fleeting life:

浮生千山路

小溪春深處,萬千碧柳蔭,
不記來時路,心托明月,
誰家今夜扁舟子。

長溝流月去,煙樹滿晴川,
獨立人無語,驀然回首,
紅塵猶有未歸人。

[chorus]
春遲遲,燕子天涯,
草萋萋,少年人老,
水悠悠,繁華已過了,
人間咫尺千山路。

小溪春深處,萬千碧柳蔭,
不記來時路,心托明月,
誰家今夜扁舟子。

行到水窮處,坐看雲起時,
涼淨風恬,人間依舊,
細數浮生千萬緒。

[chorus]
春遲遲,燕子天涯,
草萋萋,少年人老,
水悠悠,繁華已過了,
人間咫尺千山路。 x2


The thousand mountain roads of this fleeting life

The small stream at the deepest places during springtime, ten thousand jade willows give shade,
Forgetting the road whence I arrived on, placing my heart upon the full moon,
Whose house tonight a wanderer (prodigal son) still roams on his lonesome boat.

The moon above flowing away upon this long creek below, the trees on the misty slopes filling (reflected in) the clear glassy river,
The lone man stands wordless, abruptly turning his head back to look,
Fearing there is someone yet to return from the red dust (worldly cares/events/relationships).

[chorus]
Spring late so late, the sky-realm of the swallows,
Grass lush so lush, the young man grows old,
The waters leisurely so leisurely (or sadly), the time of flourishing has passed,
The thousand mountain roads of man and world may be measured in just inches and feet.

The small stream at the deepest places during springtime, ten thousand jade willows give shade,
Fogetting the road whence I arrived on, placing my heart upon the full moon,
Whose house tonight a wanderer (prodigal son) still roams on his lonesome boat.

Walking to where the waters are shallow (end), sitting down to watch the clouds rise,
A peaceful breeze cools and quietens, the world continues on,
Carefully counting the ten thousand threads of this fleeting life.

[chorus]
Spring late so late, the sky-realm of the swallows,
Grass lush so lush, the young man grows old,
The waters leisurely so leisurely (or sadly), the time of flourishing has passed,
The thousand mountain roads of man and world
may be measured in just inches and feet. x2

A Taiwanese song from the 1970’s.

The character in the video above (from a recent Taiwanese drama set in the 70s), as a son and father, poignantly portraying the torn emotions of piety and yearning for a homeland and parents he can never return to (the pain for many chinese diaspora, but especially for the Taiwanese, so near yet so far, severed by nation-war-politics). And said the following words to his child: “树欲静而风不止,子欲养而亲不待”.

树欲静而风不止,子欲养而亲不待

Trees would like to be still and quiet,
Alas the winds never stop rushing at and assailing them.
Children would like to care for and wait upon their parents,
Alas they are no more.

[Origins of song lyrics below, soon.]
—————————————————————-

Thus Spake Zarathustra

THIRD PART.

“Ye look aloft when ye long for exaltation, and I look downward because I am exalted.”

“Who among you can at the same time laugh and be exalted?”

“He who climbeth on the highest mountains, laugheth at all tragic plays and tragic realities.”

–ZARATHUSTRA, I., “Reading and Writing”


******
XLV. THE WANDERER.

Then, when it was about midnight, Zarathustra went his way over the ridge of the isle, that he might arrive early in the morning at the other coast; because there he meant to embark. For there was a good roadstead there, in which foreign ships also liked to anchor: those ships took many people with them, who wished to cross over from the Happy Isles. So when Zarathustra thus ascended the mountain, he thought on the way of his many solitary wanderings from youth onwards, and how many mountains and ridges and summits he had already climbed.

I am a wanderer and mountain-climber, said he to his heart, I love not the plains, and it seemeth I cannot long sit still.

And whatever may still overtake me as fate and experience–a wandering will be therein, and a mountain-climbing: in the end one experienceth only oneself.

The time is now past when accidents could befall me; and what COULD now fall to my lot which would not already be mine own!

It returneth only, it cometh home to me at last–mine own Self, and such of it as hath been long abroad, and scattered among things and accidents.

And one thing more do I know: I stand now before my last summit, and before that which hath been longest reserved for me. Ah, my hardest path must I ascend! Ah, I have begun my lonesomest wandering!

He, however, who is of my nature doth not avoid such an hour: the hour that saith unto him: Now only dost thou go the way to thy greatness! Summit and abyss–these are now comprised together!

[…]

To learn TO LOOK AWAY FROM oneself, is necessary in order to see MANY THINGS:–this hardiness is needed by every mountain-climber.

He, however, who is obtrusive with his eyes as a discerner, how can he ever see more of anything than its foreground!

But thou, O Zarathustra, wouldst view the ground of everything, and its background: thus must thou mount even above thyself–up, upwards, until thou hast even thy stars UNDER thee!

Yea! To look down upon myself, and even upon my stars: that only would I call my SUMMIT, that hath remained for me as my LAST summit!–

Thus spake Zarathustra to himself while ascending, comforting his heart with harsh maxims: for he was sore at heart as he had never been before. And when he had reached the top of the mountain-ridge, behold, there lay the other sea spread out before him: and he stood still and was long silent. The night, however, was cold at this height, and clear and starry.

I recognise my destiny, said he at last, sadly. Well! I am ready. Now hath my last lonesomeness begun.

Ah, this sombre, sad sea, below me! Ah, this sombre nocturnal vexation!
Ah, fate and sea! To you must I now GO DOWN!

Before my highest mountain do I stand, and before my longest wandering:
therefore must I first go deeper down than I ever ascended:

–Deeper down into pain than I ever ascended, even into its darkest flood! So willeth my fate. Well! I am ready.

Whence come the highest mountains? so did I once ask. Then did I learn that they come out of the sea.

That testimony is inscribed on their stones, and on the walls of their summits. Out of the deepest must the highest come to its height.–

Thus spake Zarathustra on the ridge of the mountain where it was cold:
when, however, he came into the vicinity of the sea, and at last stood alone amongst the cliffs, then had he become weary on his way, and eagerer than ever before.

Everything as yet sleepeth, said he; even the sea sleepeth. Drowsily and strangely doth its eye gaze upon me.

But it breatheth warmly–I feel it. And I feel also that it dreameth. It tosseth about dreamily on hard pillows.

Hark! Hark! How it groaneth with evil recollections! Or evil expectations?

Ah, I am sad along with thee, thou dusky monster, and angry with myself even for thy sake.

Ah, that my hand hath not strength enough! Gladly, indeed, would I free thee from evil dreams!–

And while Zarathustra thus spake, he laughed at himself with melancholy and bitterness. What! Zarathustra, said he, wilt thou even sing consolation to the sea?

Ah, thou amiable fool, Zarathustra, thou too-blindly confiding one! But thus hast thou ever been: ever hast thou approached confidently all that is terrible.

Every monster wouldst thou caress. A whiff of warm breath, a little soft tuft on its paw–: and immediately wert thou ready to love and lure it.

LOVE is the danger of the lonesomest one, love to anything, IF IT ONLY LIVE! Laughable, verily, is my folly and my modesty in love!–

Thus spake Zarathustra, and laughed thereby a second time. Then, however, he thought of his abandoned friends–and as if he had done them a wrong with his thoughts, he upbraided himself because of his thoughts. And forthwith it came to pass that the laugher wept–with anger and longing wept Zarathustra bitterly.
******

-Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra – A Book for All and None
“THIRD PART. XLV. The Wanderer.”

—————————————————————-

Tôkyô tawâ: Okan to boku to, tokidoki, oton
Tokyo tower: Mom & me, and sometimes, dad

Synopsis:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0820158/synopsis

Trailer:

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Le Huitieme Jour – The Eighth Day

Synopsis:
http://www.gosprout.org/film/schedule-04/pa3theeighthday.html

http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/films/films.php?id=2524

Trailer:

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Nada Sou-sou 淚光閃閃

涙そうそう (淚光閃閃)
作詞 : 森山良子
作曲 : BEGIN

(中文)

翻著古老的相片簿
囁囁著謝謝兩個字
對著總是 在心中鼓勵著我的人

晴空翊爽也好 大雨滂沱也罷
那時時刻刻浮現的笑容
即使回憶已遠離褪色
我依然追尋絲絲影跡
當它甦醒時總讓我 淚光閃閃

對著第一顆升起的星星祈禱
已經變成我的習慣
在黃昏時仰望的天空裡
滿心尋找你的蹤跡
悲傷落淚也好 歡喜雀躍也罷
你的笑容總會浮上心頭
我相信從你所在的地方 看得到我
也相信我們總有重逢的一天 而活著

晴空翊爽也好 大雨滂沱也罷
那時時刻刻浮現的笑容
即使回憶已遠離褪色
如此孤單 如此眷戀
對你的思念讓我 淚光閃閃
想見你一面 想見你一面
對你的思念讓我 淚光閃閃

—————————————————————-

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